looser....

i never got what i deserved. one can get frustrated with this.. every time you think you are good enough and u think people will notice your work and will appreciate it.. someone is there in this world who does better than you... this keeps happening with me ..

B school has changed me a lot.. i now think more about my internal growth as a person and everytime i try hard.. i fail.. and that leads to more frustration...

i was much better off when i was working.. or when i was in under grad school.... i was one of those ever positive chill maar type.. not caring about the world.. not caring about what others think about me.. but B school has totally played havoc with my mental state.... i dont know whether its for the good or bad.... only time will tell..

i was desperate to get my internship with one of the leading organization in india.. was thrilled when i got it.. but two months of torture are forgettable.. i hated every minute over there.. and just think.. when ur GF is having the ball of her time in her organization and u are hating every second of it.. u get even more frustrated.... just wanna yell at her and say stop it.. just stop talking about the fucking thing.. thank god i have a very beautiful and caring GF.. she understood my situation.. and never spoke of it..

back in coll.. where i wanted to be the most after the horrendous two months.. thinks did not get better.. everyone comes to you and asks you the same question.. "how was it".. man.. i have had it.. i could not take it anymore..

i felt like a looser.. i am still low.. i dont know what to do.. how to come of it.. do i have answers.... i think i have.. its well within me... i cant take it on anyone.. i feel sad for her.. hope she understands... but how much to expect from everyone... what is her threshold ?.. hope i have answers for that too..